16 things that will probably happen in your flatshare this festive season
Ah, Christmas. A time of reflection over the previous year, to hold the ones you love the most close and tell them how much they mean to you.
Or in the flatsharing world: ‘tis season to binge out on daily chocolates, wear really crap festive jumpers, and overdo the Baileys…Here are a few things that may happen in your flatshare this festive season:
- Someone will start playing festive music on a loop ALL THE TIME. At least one flatmate will protest that it’s too early and festive argument #1 will ensue to a soundtrack of 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'.
Your flat will slowly start to resemble the festive aisle at Poundland, crossed with Santa's tackiest grotto. Who knew tinsel came in so many colours?!
Festive argument #2 will break out over choice of flatshare decor. Or in other words: the ongoing war of tinsel vs. tasteful.
Someone will bring out a horrendous Christmas ornament gifted to them by a relative many years ago, and will proudly display it for all to see. The worst part is, no one will be able to argue with it being displayed without sounding like a heartless Grinch.
There will be multiple occasions when one or more flatmates will return home in the small hours from work drinks – drunk on baubles, Baileys and banter.
Someone will throw up. It will resemble previously consumed Baileys mixed with mulled wine. They (and you) will be simultaneously frightened and appalled, wondering if they’ve suffered from dangerous internal bleeding.
You’ll organise a flatmate Christmas dinner, which will be fraught with problems. An overcooked dry turkey, underdone crunchy vegetables and a tray of burnt roasties will leave you all questioning yourselves, and your skills as adults. Festive argument #3 will also occur over turkey basting/cooking methods.
In spite of the culinary fail, you’ll all dutifully eat your dinner together and pretend it’s the BEST thing ever. Or at least the copious amounts of alcohol will make you think it is…
There will come a time when someone will get too drunk and eat their whole advent calendar in one sitting after a night out. #NoJudgement
You’ll land on the genius idea of using that seldom-used slow cooker your flatmate got last Christmas to make mulled wine. You’ll come home every single night to a flat that smells of warm spicy Xmas things. Heaven really is a place on earth...until the spillages. New Xmas list item: steam cleaner.
At least one flatmate will spend the entirety of December prancing around in a hideous Christmas jumper. Bonus points if said jumper has 3D features, music-playing abilities, and bells. Oh those bloody bells…
You’ll all spend the whole of the month in a chocolate coma. Thanks to the copious family-size boxes of Quality Street, Roses and anything else you can get your hands on. What was life even like before that daily Malteser reindeer?!
Someone in your flatshare will hate Christmas with a burning rage, and will make this fact known at any given opportunity – no matter how loosely Christmas is referenced. E.g: “Aww I saw the nicest fairy lights when I was out today!” will be met with: “OMG PLEASE STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW I HATE CHRISTMAS SOO MUCH GET AWAY FROM ME.” You can’t win.
You’ll be overcome by a soul-crushing fear when you realise that all of your flatmates are going home for Christmas before you. A whole week home alone?! Better start planning for a Home Alone style burglar raid that will involve you going to extreme lengths to defend yourself in your total abandonment…
...or you’ll just WhatsApp them CONSTANTLY with sentimental (drunk) festive messages, cos you miss them so much.
Christmas Day will finally roll around, you’ll be full up on both booze and potatoes somewhere with your family while wearing a really thin, really rubbish paper crown, and it’ll feel like the perfect time to hit up the flat WhatsApp group to tell your flatmates how much they really mean to you. And how lucky you were to find them. <3
...this will, of course, be met by relentless teasing and abuse but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Merry Flatmas!