11 things you only know if you've lived in an all-male flatshare
All-male households are riddled with stereotypes – mould growing everywhere due to an inability to clean… OTT laddish bravado, and using beer as an excuse for just about anything…
And while some of these may well be valid, there’s a whole load of other, more surprising things that only happen in all-male flatshares. Familiar with this living situation? Grab a beer (of course) and read on…
1. Pre-drink peer pressure is completely unavoidable.
You could have absolutely *raging *man flu, be hungover from the previous night out, or just not really fancying a drink (madness) – and you’ll still find yourself with a beer in hand, on the way to the pub within 10 minutes. Like a pack of hounds, the rest of the group can and will descend on you at any time, forcing you to come out with them at any cost. Have your wits about you.
2. You might develop a hearing impairment…
…all thanks to the repeated bellows of “DOWN IT”, “LADS LADS LADS” and all manner of explicit curse words that tear through the house on a daily basis.
3. Living in utter squalor will feel totally normal.
What do you MEAN it’s not okay for your plates to be permanently stained orange by the remains of someone’s microwave lasagne?!
4. You’ll often wonder if Chewbacca is a resident in the house.
The alarming amount of tiny beard hairs (embedded in smeared, old toothpaste) that have become a permanent addition to your bathroom sink can only be the work of an oversized, over-furry Wookie, surely? Grime isn’t just a type of music, it’s a permanent state of being in the all-male bathroom.
5. Life without toilet roll will become more normal than life with toilet roll.
Which will lead you to wonder about the sheer number of options available when one of you eventually does come to replace it – what even is the difference between quilted and non-quilted? WHY ARE THEY ALL SO EXPENSIVE?! (NB: this is also why there’s usually a stack of old newspapers lying in the all-male bathroom…)
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6. Someone will get a girlfriend, and everyone else will be really p*ssed off about it.
She’ll never stay over, largely due to points 2, 3, 4 and 5 on this list – which means you’ve lost one of the LADS for good. Ball. And. Chain.
7. There will be a never-ending underlying tension as you struggle to elect the house Alpha.
At times, everyone in the flatshare will be competing for this sacred title. The house Alpha’s key skills will include: enviable facial hair, enviable abdominal muscles, an enviable watch and enviable alcohol capacity. WHAT a guy.
8. There will be at least one occasion when the house will watch a chick flick together.
There shall be not one ounce of regret or shame about the whole thing either. Tell NO ONE.
9. There will be a house divide, and FIFA will be responsible.
The only way the group will *ever *be able to move past this is with a forfeit, drinking game, or pint. Naturally.
10. The washing machine will be the most underused utility in the house.
There shall be NO deposit-docking for your laundry facilities smug face. This is probably due to the fact that you’ve only ever used it when you’ve collectively run out of pants – and even then you’d usually rather buy more than go through the ag of washing them…
11. You’ll have forever been planning a football game that never happens…
ONE DAY. And it shall be the best day…but before that happens, BEERS.
Ready for a toilet-roll free life of downing pints and FIFA? Of course you are. Whether you’re looking for a flatshare or need a Chewbacca to share yours with, you’ll probably find them on SpareRoom – we’ve got more than 80,000 rooms and flatmates to choose from.